I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
