Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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