The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
