Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
