worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
