At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
