I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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