I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
