just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
