I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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