you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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