Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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