Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
