I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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