We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
