He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
