I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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