plz talk dirty to me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dick very happy bro
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
