maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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