just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
