just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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