I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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