He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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