Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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