Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
