there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
