you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
