dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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