It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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