I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Everything about him screamed your future.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
