dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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