If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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