Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
