I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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