just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
