I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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