oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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