sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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