I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
whose ass print is on the piano?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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