We're facebook friends in real life
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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