who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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