Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
