I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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