i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
