I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We have started to decorate penises.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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