I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
