i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize