Buhtt sex?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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