if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
