don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize