This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize