i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
