If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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