i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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