A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize