just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
