as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
