I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize