This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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