So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize