just come out here and I will go home with you...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
