shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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