It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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