Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Someone signed my nipple.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
