I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
