I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
