Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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